Brief background: This incident happened during my summer lab internship. As the majority of those in the lab are Mainland Chinese, their grasp of English is generally poor. Such language barriers are often a breeding ground for misunderstandings to occur. When these arise, conflicts happen and this is further compounded by how different cultures resolve conflict differently.
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Towards the end of my lab internship, my boss, Adam, organized a farewell
lunch for the lab. As he was always busy, he assigned Guo, one of the
postdocs, to make the restaurant booking. However, we only found out that a mistake was made upon reaching the restaurant. Instead of a 12pm lunch reservation, an evening reservation of 7pm was recorded. No one could ascertain what caused the mistake as Guo insisted that he clearly asked for a 12pm slot.
Being the boss and the host of the lunch, Adam risked losing his "face" should the lunch appointment flop. Having come from Mainland China, the concept of having "face"and being judged positively by others (especially one's subordinates) was even more important. Thus, with all these issues pressing down on him, Adam became visibly agitated and upset with the mix up.
Adam then asked the staff to open a table for us as soon as they can, as everyone was already waiting there. As the staff serving us was Malay and could not speak Mandarin, he had trouble understanding Adam's strongly Mandarin-accented English. In a bid to placate Adam, the staff meekly offered some possible reasons for the mix-up while asking us to wait as the restaurant was fully packed with lunchtime crowd. This agitated Adam even more as the staff’s reasons were not strong. Adam, being straight forward and demanding as usual, simply asked him to stop giving excuses and set up a table for us as soon as he can. As this exchange went on, Adam started raising his voice and lambasted the restaurant staff for making such a careless mistake and thus, wasted the 'precious time' of our lab members. As he started raising his voice and was nearly yelling, I started edging away from the group as diners were looking on and I did not want to be associated with the din that he was creating.
Of course, out of courtesy, the staff kept apologizing and assured that we would be seated soon. However, we could also see that he was trying hard to conceal his look of annoyance of being shouted at since he was not the one who handled our phone reservation. As he turned back to ask his Chinese staff to attend to us, he rolled his eyes discreetly. To roll his eyes, he must have thought that Adam was just another “difficult, loud and unreasonable Mainland Chinese who does not know how to behave appropriately in such cultured settings”. Luckily, we were seated soon and all became smooth again after the food arrived.
Being the boss and the host of the lunch, Adam risked losing his "face" should the lunch appointment flop. Having come from Mainland China, the concept of having "face"and being judged positively by others (especially one's subordinates) was even more important. Thus, with all these issues pressing down on him, Adam became visibly agitated and upset with the mix up.
Adam then asked the staff to open a table for us as soon as they can, as everyone was already waiting there. As the staff serving us was Malay and could not speak Mandarin, he had trouble understanding Adam's strongly Mandarin-accented English. In a bid to placate Adam, the staff meekly offered some possible reasons for the mix-up while asking us to wait as the restaurant was fully packed with lunchtime crowd. This agitated Adam even more as the staff’s reasons were not strong. Adam, being straight forward and demanding as usual, simply asked him to stop giving excuses and set up a table for us as soon as he can. As this exchange went on, Adam started raising his voice and lambasted the restaurant staff for making such a careless mistake and thus, wasted the 'precious time' of our lab members. As he started raising his voice and was nearly yelling, I started edging away from the group as diners were looking on and I did not want to be associated with the din that he was creating.
Of course, out of courtesy, the staff kept apologizing and assured that we would be seated soon. However, we could also see that he was trying hard to conceal his look of annoyance of being shouted at since he was not the one who handled our phone reservation. As he turned back to ask his Chinese staff to attend to us, he rolled his eyes discreetly. To roll his eyes, he must have thought that Adam was just another “difficult, loud and unreasonable Mainland Chinese who does not know how to behave appropriately in such cultured settings”. Luckily, we were seated soon and all became smooth again after the food arrived.
Thinking
back about this incident, I felt as if I were trapped in two worlds when this
happened. Which side should I side with? Should I just be
like most Singaporeans and view my boss as being another “difficult, loud and
unreasonable Chinese who reacts inappropriately in such cultured settings”; thus distance myself from him? Or
should I be tolerant of his behaviour, because I understood why he acted this
way? (Knowing how important “face” is to Chinese, intensified by his status as
the “Boss”, not “losing face” is even more important in such events where he
was the host)
This is thus a clear instance of how different cultures react so differently to conflicts. Despite being of the same ethnicity, our lifestyle, habits and response to situations (such as this), are distinctly different. Singaporean Chinese tend to be subtler and toned down, and would most likely simmer with rage inside, but do not have anger outbursts like Adam. Conversely, Mainland Chinese tend to speak louder and are more brusque in their actions and words. Thus, locals often view them as being “uncultured”, when in fact, they are just acting like how they are brought up to be.
So
having read this, if it were you (the reader), how would you have reacted in
this same situation? Would you step up to explain things between Adam and the
staff to placate everyone (and risk being judged by locals)? Or would you just
edge away like me and do nothing about it?
Interesting scenario here Min Hui. The concept of “losing and/or saving face” is an age old trait seen in many. I think it is especially so for us Asians, and I have experienced instances like this as well with both local Chinese friends and people of other races. My Father for example is a man who holds himself in high prestige, and he always acts to not “lose face”. So much so that quarrels often break out. So while I agree the trait is magnified by the Mainland Chinese, I think it can be quite apparent all around
ReplyDeleteI think this scenario is especially so due to not only his cultural habits, but also due to his position (and yes, you have acknowledged that). I have seen Singaporeans become loud and unreasonable as well. I previously worked in a restaurant (before entering University). In the short time I was there, I faced quite a number of unreasonable people. But now that you mention it, it starts to seem like there were more Mainland Chinese. I honestly hope my memory is not clouded by prejudice here though. Back to your case, I also think the restaurant personnel could have handled it better. In any case, they should have adhered to the phrase “the customer is always right”. We could go into another lengthy discussion about the shortcomings of Singapore’s restaurants, but I will save it for another day.
Everyone has their own way of handling this scenario. Singaporeans’ first instinct would be to step away from the limelight, which may even be an evolved “saving face” method. I think I often do what you did. But when I am with people I know, given my loud and always-involved character, I tend to step in and try my best to mediate. It is easier said than done, but if I were in your spot, I would have stepped in to help him from “losing further face”. And in the process, “save my own face” as I would be associated with the group.
Having been to a few western countries, I find it disheartening at times when people in Singapore or Asia tend to be wound up tight. We’re always tense and it seems like we get too goal-oriented. And as Aaron mentioned to me, too caught up in the paper-chase. I get a very strong easygoing vibe whenever I’m in Australia, and a very gracious vibe when I was in Canada. I believe that in your case, if Adam had been more of an easygoing person, the problem might not have risen. Or even if it had, he would not have handled it as negatively as he had. What do you think?
Very interesting scenario Min Hui but believe me, like what Prab said, it's not peculiar to mainland Chinese or anyone else. I've seen it happen in Little India just as much as I've seen it happen in London and in the US and by all kinds of people. The real issue here I think is that people forget that to err is human but that to forgive -divine, especially when delaing with service people who a lot of times are overworked and underpaid. I'm not condoning poor service or the lack of it- but even then you could choose to deal with it quietly and effectively without undermining any individual's self-esteem- but in every situation like this, it never pays to play "I'm the paying customer, therfore I can say whatever I want" card. You would merely be drawing unneccesary attention to yourself and the wrong kind at that!! Since the staff apologised and promised to seat you as soon as possible- the best thing here is to be patient. You will always be the bigger person when you are patient.
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